Within the psyche of me
by Kageko Ventus
Summary: My mask has been my definition ever since my civil war, I just can never be the me that I once was, not anymore. Contains some true events in history and how I see it, it's kinda sad too so watch out. First ever thing I have written and I don't own Hetalia!


Sometime I don't know what to say, I have many things TO SAY but are never brought out, for the fear of rejection. Through my life I try and try to cope with this lifestyle, but it seems as though no matter how many times I try and make it better, there is always someone pushing me down, even my own bosses keep pulling me down with them, they want me to be them, they want to make me like them, think like them, and even act like them. But they can't seem to ever do such a thing, for my people are always there, putting a stop to it to which I regain my own strength once again. Even so, sometimes I'm afraid...what if my own people left me, well they already blame me for being the way I am even though it's not my choice, it's the choice of my bosses.

And that is not all, other countries are blaming me for everything I didn't even have a choice in. Some of these battles are battles I don't even want to get involved with, not one bit.

I try to speak but all too soon I'm shot down by the rest of the world, thinking it's ridiculous, it can never happen they say.

I know my ideas are silly too, but I...I wish for someone to hear me for someone to see me for my real self not the mask.

When I try to take the mask off words are said that cut me like a knife, so I couldn't take it off.

My mask has been my definition ever since my civil war, I just can never be the me that I once was, not anymore.

I remember the time I joined WW2...It wasn't my idea, no. All I wanted in that time was to be left alone. The Depression was so bad I just couldn't, I never saw myself as a hero I never did, I could wish to become one but I never have what it takes to be one. I didn't have anyone by my side no friends or allies.

But Japan was there, he was there at a time I needed someone, I was filled with happiness once we signed our friendship to one another. Even though it wasn't much I was happy once we became friends!

But that was until he betrayed me, he back stabbed me and watched as I cried out in agony and pain. He watched me as I suffered from the sudden attack, smirking he was enjoying my state of weakness.

_Why?_

_Why?_

_Why does this happen to me?_

I was sickened with him and myself for believing he was my friend. I feel so stupid! Why can I ever make a friend, a friend that will always help me when I need it and to save me from myself.

_It's just another mistake that I have made, nothing new right?_

I thought that I didn't wanted to get involved this time in others business, but it seems I have no choice, my people are angry and so am I.

That's when I joined the war, a war that had nothing to do with me, until Japan made me involved.

Japan really didn't know how close he and the axis were to winning until I was brought into it and crushed that.

_Oh what mistake has been made._

_My family?_

_Do I even have a family?_

_You would say I did but where are they?_

Ever since the revolutionary war happened Britain has always placed the blame on me. Every mistake every little thing that I do is the most idiotic thing ever.

The truth of why I wanted to be independent was not for the independence no. At first when Arthur started acting different towards me I thought it was just something that was happening over in the old world. But later it got worse, he started raising taxes on my people.

He kept raising them, thats when my people started to get rowdy and angry. So I went to ask Arthur if he could lower the taxes.

I came into his studies and asked him if he could lower the taxes, but he said no.

So I asked him again and added,

"If you don't then…."

"Then what, revolt?"

"Ha, you can't even survive without me, you won't even make it"

"If you try you'll just come crawling back to me asking for my help once again, _my_…._dear_…._little_…._brother_."

I just couldn't, I didn't want to lesson to those words.

_Little Brother_

_Little Brother_

_Little Brother_

It feels as though I depend on him, do I really?

Looking through my history all I see is Arthur.

Do I really not have my own history?

I really did not wanted to do this but I must, even if it kills me, I want my people to be happy not bound by my "_Big Brother", _to have another chance, to have a voice, to work together, and to have _Freedom. _

_**I am not your Dear Little Brother!**_

Going back within my memory, I can only go as far as when Britain found me.

I've tried to go further back, but it seems I can't, like it's blocked by something.

I just wish I could remember.

It feels as though they were important to me and it feels as if they would tell me more of who I really was, and that it would contain peaceful memories.

_Memories that have no mask._

_No hateful words toward me._

_And Love, love just for me_

I don't know why, but it also sometimes brings a tear to my eye when try to think about it.

_But why?_

_Have I lost something dear?_

_Or is it just the wind in my eye? _


End file.
